In my last post I told you the thought behind writing “A Litany of Prayer for a Loving Attitude.” And I admitted that I, like many others, have struggled with loving myself.

Having struggled and won that battle I’m going to touch on the topic of Love and Perfection.

I think there are two ways of looking at Perfection. One is in the way of thinking everything and everyone have to be perfect. The other is in thinking about being perfect from Jesus’ perspective.

When I was growing up as a young girl the ‘perfect’ figure for girls was 36 24 34. There aren’t many ‘perfect’ girls and quite a few young ladies get ill physically and mentally trying to get a perfect figure. Others, with certain health conditions get misunderstood by family and friends and are called names if they are too ‘skinny’ or too ‘fat.’

I remember two sayings about the size of people that I heard while growing up. “Fatty, fatty two by four, can’t get through the bathroom door.” What a ridiculous saying maybe at first it seems just silly, but how cruel to the person it is said about. The other saying was, ‘She’s skinnier than a twig on a tree.’ Again, another put down.

I suspect that this ‘perfect’ figure stuff doesn’t only apply to girls and that the problem still exists today. I have no clue what the requirements are for boys, but there must be some kind of ‘perfect’ thing for them to compare themselves to.

We read and hear ads saying, “Let us help you plan your perfect . . . ” wedding, honeymoon, vacation, home, retirement plan.”

Young people want to have the perfect car, be the perfect wife or husband or friend. The house needs to be 100% clean all the time, every meal perfectly planned, prepared and devoured.

In larger matters of life the pursuit of being a ‘perfect’ person or having a “perfect” family, or being the ‘perfect’ candidate [for a certain job or a political career] or the attempt to create a ‘perfect’ people or nation can become extremely stressful to the point of becoming non-productive and sometimes even destructive. While the work may appear to some people involved as being all positively productive, history might show otherwise.

In terms of learning and education. If you get a 4.0 + then you are a perfect student. Some teachers even write “Perfect Score!” on the top of the page. My mother, who was a teacher, tended to avoid using that term. She told me being a ‘perfect’ student and getting a ‘perfect’ score was relative and should not be used only for having 100% of the answers correct. She taught remedial classes and said for some of her students, getting half the answers correct on a standardized test was perfect for them because that’s the level of learning they were at. She told me a perfect score to her meant the student gave 100% effort even if the score was less than that. She told me a runner ran a perfect race if it was in their best personal time. She said it was more important to be the best person you can be than it was to try to be a perfect person. Wise words from my mother.

Then I became a wife and mother and it seemed I just couldn’t cut the mustard, my house was messy and meals were always late, I never got enough rest and neither did my husband, we were both at the end of ourselves. I went to counseling and spent the intake session crying the whole time. Eventually I learned to relax and learned I had much higher expectations for myself as a wife and mother than my husband had for me. Since we had two toddlers and two premature children at home I learned he was simply happy that I got a meal prepared for us before the kids’ bedtime than it having to be at 5:00 every day. We/ I started laughing again and learned how to relax and enjoy each other’s company and the house didn’t have to be ‘perfectly’ cleaned and ready for company at any and every time of the day.

When I started focusing more on my Christian life and study I came across the verse “Be perfect therefore, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48) and I had a meltdown. When I first began looking at perfection through Jesus’ perspective I realized just how far away I was from that kind of being perfect. I struggled with that directive for quite some time. Why? Because when you read it in context, you discover it is about having a perfect loving attitude towards people who you consider your enemy. It is about having a loving attitude towards those who hurt you in very deep ways and some of us learn that we are our own worst enemies because there are times we hate ourselves. Jesus’ teaches us all, that we should love, so we learn to love ourselves and hate our sinfulness. In hating our sinfulness instead of ourselves we can begin to change our sinful attitudes and behaviors.

Eventually I learned that ‘being perfect’ like my heavenly Father meant being willing to risk some things. Like, staying in relationship with some of those people and forgiving them. Being perfect like my heavenly Father meant I couldn’t abandon other people or myself, I couldn’t abandon life, even when life was tough, even when I was lonely, even if it seemed everyone was against me and didn’t understand me. Being perfect like my heavenly Father meant I had to risk understanding someone else before I expected them to understand me. Being perfect meant I needed to learn many different ways to show myself and other people that I loved and cared for them. And eventually I learned that being ‘perfect’ like my heavenly Father also meant that I wouldn’t give up on hoping that other people would eventually understand me and my hope for them to love God, self and others the way Jesus asks us to. Eventually I learned that my heavenly Father’s way of being perfect was less stressful and more fruitful than the world’s way of seeking perfection.

The bible tells us that perfect love casts out fear and sin. I think it’s worth seeking that kind of perfection, wouldn’t you agree? And then it seems that each of us could say that “Perfect love must begin with loving me.” Because if we cannot put out the fires of fear and sin within ourselves, then how can we put them out in other people. Perfect love is from God, our heavenly Father. And I believe it is a gift that is freely to given through the power of the Holy Spirit to everyone who asks.

Let us pray,

Lord, please give us a desire for your perfect love. By your grace and mercy, please pour your Holy Spirit upon us and help us to perfectly love you, ourselves and each other. That we may find and live in your perfect peace and unity in this generation. God Bless Us with perfect love. AMEN