I had lunch with my sister today and couldn’t believe what the Lord did for me.  While we were sitting there I had a flashback of something I’ve been dreaming about lately, something I usually try to push out of the way.  Today, as it came I blurted out what happened.  It seemed to me that I had practically screamed it – but apparently it was just a whisper because my sister said, what? And I looked at her and repeated what I had said.   And the tears just streamed down my face.   She suggested I write about it and I told her that I couldn’t because I had tried and every time I put my hand to paper (or my fingers to the keyboard) I felt like throwing up.

I suppose I never talked much about it because – well – who talks about miscarriages – right?  I mean, the day it happened everyone was in the middle of a great  Labor Day weekend celebration – the people who were closest to me then did what they could at the time – which was get me to bed to rest, then they went back to the party and my mother-in-law stayed with me.

Who talks about miscarriages and losing their baby, right?  Especially if they already have one – and I did, I had a beautiful daughter! When we got home I had the ultrasound that was ordered – there were two amniotic sacs.  One empty, one full – so I was still pregnant.  Still, I lost a baby that day and my physician told me that I would grieve the loss of this child one day and to not feel foolish when it happened.

I think it was more how I lost that baby that caused me so much anguish. Today, when I was with my sister, when the flashback came I told her what happened.   I had flushed the baby down the toilet . . . I was four months pregnant and thought I had passed a very large clot.  Part of what was so terrible was hearing from the nurse I spoke with that she wished I hadn’t flushed the toilet and that I had brought it to the hospital.  Today, while the events of the miscarriage played out visually in the middle of a restaurant at noon, I asked Jesus to make himself visible in the flashback.  What happened was beautiful, the baby landed in the arms of Jesus and he held her to his chest, turned and walked away.

I didn’t know then, what I have learned about so many times since – that sometimes they can save the baby’s life.  In any case, the thought of what happened made me feel just terrible.  Today, after I shared with my sister we went on a walk after lunch.  I prayed – Lord, please forgive and heal me.  A wonderful gift of healing and peace came over me from the top of my head to my toes and into my heart. I was even able to write about the experience then and today’s experience when I came home without throwing up.

Miscarriages are stressful to the spirit as well as the body.  I hope sharing my brief story of an unexpected healing will help other women to find spiritual healing too.

Lord, we know that life is precious to you.  Thank you for the image of holding prematurely born children in your loving arms.  AMEN